I must start this entry by saying I'm having a cigarette.

If I drink more than usual and I don't have work the next day, something at the back of my mind always says 'have a cigarette'. Well, I was finishing my glass of wine and I had the urge. I said no. I was going to go to bed. But then I discovered red wine at the bottom of the bottle and knew what I was supposed to do: smoke. I may even have a second one.

Well Frenchie darling, I followed your advice and watched 27 Dresses today (god I love renting movies from my TV - so bloody easy). And man do I feel better!

I just wanted to update you (and Bam and Div) by saying I'm getting the urge to work back. I guess you could say the urge to live? but that sounds very dramatic. I'm at the point where I'm just about ready to face life again and give it 100% without regretting anything I suppose. I guess I can't explain my urge to sit back for these past 9 months and just watch the world go by and by no means do I expect anyone to understand it... unless you've watched 27 Dresses. I don't know if you knew it dear F, but I've felt like Jane Nichols for a long time - not being able to say no, taking care of everybody, whether they wanted it or not. I still love being there and helping - but for what will soon be a year, I had someone take care of me and it was GREAT. (Let me just light another ciggie girls..............................................................................................)
I feel weird telling the following story, not knowing if you'll understand but... three days ago, I went to turn on my much loved and much hated laptop. It's slow, it's sluggish, it's almost a piece of crap in the face of newer technology... but it didn't turn on. I left it overnight and tried to turn it on in the morning and yet again, it didn't awake. I went in to the kitchen to tell my mother and she reassured me that she would help me buy a new computer (meaning she'd buy it and I'd pay her back later at some point) and I mulled it over. She continued with her things and I went to my room and started to cry, just staring at my computer. And I realised that that piece of crap meant a lot to me - it was the first big thing my working and taking care of myself had reaped in rewards. If Div will recall, the first year of London living I had a very very very old laptop that by the end of the year had stopped typing G's and H's (the English language has a lot of those, btw, making life very difficult). I then lived without a computer for two months while I saved to buy a new one, living in Bam's flat all by myself, with very few people in London for comfort. This old thing has gotten me through a lot of things and I suddenly realised that this was one thing I didn't want to owe anyone for. My laptop has for a few years now symbolised my freedom. Through my tears, my mother suggested I try her power cord (her boyfriend just bought her a new Dell for her birthday) and.... my lovely Baby Dell awoke. So, with my own money, I've purchased my FOURTH new power cord (my god these things make existence hell) and my mark of independence lives to see another day. It was, though, coming close to the last thing that shows me that I'm ready to be fairly independent again. No, I don't want to pay rent for my own apartment yet - but I want to face a few new steps towards growing up which I think I'm getting ready to do. Or at least getting ready to work towards :) Long gone now are the days I fear when my rent leaves my account or worrying about saving money for groceries - things that plagued me. Obviously, I spent my money on drink and cigarettes without fail and I do not regret this in the least. My London years with you are a very fond memory for me, one which I will repeat at some point (living in culture, that is). But I'm gaining some new perspective on things, like what living in Atlanta is teaching me (to be a minority, for instance and that American men can be very ugly with bad haircuts) and on what I want. And that there are some very very big bugs in Georgia (I just flicked one away - it was GROSS with big tentacles) . You might remember my paralysing fear of moths? I saw one the size of a BAT on Friday and it scared the living jesus out of me. Luckily it was dead - nonetheless, I know it exists and now I live in fear lol
(lighting my last cigarette now...........................)

PUFF. The next time you see me I'm still going to be mellow. And changed. And hopefully better dressed (there's a show called 'What Not to Wear' and I think back in horror of some clothes I wore in London when I tried not to spend money on clothes *shudder*). But definitely I will be a more sane person, realising what lessons life has already taught me and knowing that the friends I made in university are some of the most wonderful people I think I will ever know, your flaws and all!! EWW. Another big bug. You know how much I love you bc I think it's a moth and I haven't fled..........

Basically, don't worry, I'm happy and I'm not in a rut. And I'll be even happier some time in the near future. And I might even be able to pick you up at the airport when you come visit in a car - a friend has kindly offered to teach me how to drive as my mother fears I will argue with her if she teaches me :P

Now, I hope to have updates from you all very soon, including Divorcee, who has dropped off the face of the earth.

I love you all lots but there's a moth hovering overhead so I'm going inside.

xx Bam
xx Frenchie
xx Divorcee

SATC - the movie

First of all babies, I must say that it was really weird to see this movie without you. Also, I went to see it with H. and although he didn't fall asleep (I was very, very proud of him) I still couldn't really share my excited 'ooooh, have you seen these shoooes' with him.

Apart from that, what is wrong with girls and this movie? The whole room started clapping and cheering and whistling at the beginning of the movie, and again at times during the movie.. I felt like being on a plane with those annoying people who clap when you take off and land.. They're not gonna hear it, people! It's a screen!

The room was so packed, and for the first time in my life I saw an overbooked screening room: they had sold more seats than existed in the room. So about 10 girls had to sit on the ground, before the first row, to watch the movie. I would probably have gone and thrown a tantrum (seats cost about 10-11 euros in France - it's NOT cheap) but they just sat there chatting and stating that they could admire their shoes better that way - very SATC I must say.

On to the movie itself.. mm, well, it was a bit disappointing. If you've seen the trailers, then there's absolutely no surprise left for you in the movie. And it was kinda long, even for me. And it is true that there's too much product placement. I mean, the Vogue photoshoot? Hello? did they really need to say that many designer's names? For me, it went from 'ooh, shoes'/'oh my god, I love this bag'/'cute-crazy dress' to.. "pff, one more" "and again". Yeah, maybe it's because I work at LV now, but this "let's-make-sure-we've-shown-all-the-fashion-brands, so no-one is jealous" became a little tiring in the end.

Besides, you all know that I have a shoe fetish, not a bag fetish. And I felt like they had abandonned the shoes for the bags in this movie. Even when she gives the LV bag to Louise, I though she'd have given her a pair of manolos, you know, kinda passing them along to the younger generation. But no.

Me disappointed.

Oh, and 'Louise' is such a bad actress!!!


Anyways, I hope you're proud of me for not revealing anything about the contents of the movie on this blog - I know how much you peeps love suspense, and you know how little I usually care for it... Aren't you proud now? :)

Next time we reunite, we'll have to see it again altogether!! With loads of alcohol of course...

xoxoxoxoxo