Oh - final thing I forgot -

GO OBAMA-BIDEN. YES WE CAN!

Div baby, I forgot to answer...

Ba da, ba da da da da, da da ba da da da, ba da, ba da da da da, ba da da da da da, ba da.

I've just read AM's contribution now, and I swear to god I hadn't when I wrote mine. It's so weird, so many of my comments seem to be answering hers!!!! Great minds really do think alike then! :)

During the time it took me to write my contribution, you had written yours AM! Good day for the blog indeed then! xxx

Thirty-something men..

Hello lovelies,

Well, today is a big day for the blog! It hasn't seen that many contributions in a very long time!

So, where should I start? Bambam, haven't you ever been told that you're not supposed to date/have sex with your flatmate(s)? I thought we did tell you that when (or was it before?!) things went astray with 'Beub'!
There are so many men who'd kill to date you, what do you think it does to the little guy's head? He has you right there, he can have you sometimes, but not all the time, and then he realises that others can have you too, and you're only 'his' because you haven't found someone else yet. Poor guy. I feel slightly sorry for him..

Anyways, can't wait for you to have a proper date with the male Frenchie! Once you try them, you can never go back lol. About the Painter, I've just experience a slightly similar date with a guy (minus the no sex for 10 years part of course lol). Let's call mine The Pilot, because, yes, he is a pilot, as in he flies planes for a living - and not really planes, but one plane, for a very rich Saudi prince. He's some kind of chauffeur, but for planes.
The pilot and I met at a Lou Reed 'lecture' ie Lou Reed has a book coming out compiling his lyrics and short stories, and he was reading some of them at a very small 'concert' room in Paris.
I was queuing to get in and get a good seat, while distributing Mediapart flyers, when the guy in front of me started talking to me. We talked for about an hour, then got in the room where I sat with my friends and he sat with his. We met up again at the end of the lecture, and decided on going on a date during the week (yeah, he's American, no French guy would have done that lol).
The date (drinks + dinner + walk around Paris) was great, until I realised the guy had no spontaneity whatsoever. He began to ask me during the walk if he could hold my hand. Then he asked if he could kiss my hand?? Then asked if he could kiss me. Come on, seriously? Where's the spontaneity?
Anyways, as you can guess, he didn't stop there, and here I am, three weeks later, with a "boyfriend" who sends me texts messages to ask if he can call me, which he does 20 times a day and.. you guessed it, it's not going to last any longer!!

Which brings me to my point: what is it with thirty-something male and their need for reassurance? I haven't gone out with a guy my age for years, exactly because I'm so bored with the 'young' types who need to be reassured every step of the way and need a second mommy.. To end up with what? Thirty-somethings who need a second mommy too. Yuk. And what's with these guys, why do they need to be so mellow? I'm going to start looking for a macho man, you know, one with hair, beer smell and beard, at least I won't be getting the mellow phone-calls then!!!

Abama Mama, darling, for the first time in aaaaaaaages, we've all contributed and you haven't! Don't forget to vote tomorrow! And come to Europe for christ' sake woman! It's easier to move one girl across the Atlantic than 3! Besides, don't you miss winter? It's almost winter here on our side of the pond, do come and experience again below 15 temperatures!! Come! We have Coca Cola too you know! Love you.

Divorcée my love, stop worrying so much. You love him he loves you.. Yes, the lovey-dovey moments are the best, but going into the more 'mature' moments of your relationship should reassure you that he's there for the long run. The "cooling down" moments you're experiencing are for you to feel happy about the fact that he's there, and make you more confident in your relationship.. not the other way around. I'm tempted to give you the same advice Bam gave you: find an activity to keep your mind occupied. You'll find that he thinks of you as often as you do.. when he's not working! Because you have too much time on your hands, your mind is on him 24/7. And we all know studying does not take your mind off things, it lets it wander even more! Sport is good, but some sports give you time to think all the same, chose them carefully! And how about this documentary-watching 'marathon' you once started? I'm pretty sure there's still plenty of these to watch..
Btw, thanks for the books you've lent my brother! I hadn't seen him read a book in such a long time!! (although I must also say that his computer cannot connect to the internet at home, which forces him also to find solace in other activities!) He seems to be enjoying them very much.

Anyways (yes, I still love this word, and I will use it as often as possible) see you young ladies on Friday, and Abama Mama, you'd better get in touch. I don't want to hear anything about this job of yours taking up your time, first of all you're working part-time, hence the other part of your time should be dedicated to contacting ME, also there's an economic crisis, I'm sure they can spare you for the duration of one overseas phone-call.

bisous bisous

Full House.

So, not only am I currently watching the show but also my house is definitely full. Lots of coming and going, in particularly by my brother. SIGH. Living with teenagers!?

Also, I'm typing this with the most digusting coloured bright pink nails - I was inspired last night after work to actually do something with my nails but the unfortunate combo of pink and metallic white that I decided might work didn't. And now I'm too lazy to take it off.
Really I had hoped to have nice nails for when I go to vote for Obama tomorrow - unfortunately he will have to accept my vote with garish whore nails unless I manage to locate my nail polish remover.

Soooooo.... I'm sure you're interested in what has been happening recently. Not much :-D As ever, Atlanta is full of married men and me working lots. I had a bbq for 5 the weekend my mum was in Charleston, which was nice. I had invited tons more people but I didn't actually manage to follow up on my invitation with anyone until the day - I clearly have to practice having parties more often. I've been spending time with - oh lord, I've forgotten what I named them. OH - Southern Gentleman, Toothpick Head Turtle guy and my A - not Div's A. And T Guy's roommate JS, who I also work with. I went to JS's gig a couple weeks ago and his band is actually quite good, so will try to follow up with more of that. Went to the movies, have done some shopping... typical American activities. Mostly I'm still preoccupied with getting our house fixed up - truly, with the financial crisis my mother has become a bit paranoid about the house and as she's hoping to make a profit I've been doing my best to help her plan and coordinate. We're currently working on the kitchen - as I have 2 weekdays off currently it's only fair that I wait for the electrician, the plumber, the cabinetmaker, the counter installers or the appliance delivery men when she is at work. Clearly it's a lot of waiting as these type of men never actually show up when they say they will. In between this though I did manage to go to the birthday of someone I work with - she's a DJ/real estate broker (yes, you can laugh) and the bar she dj's at once a month hosted the party for her. Unfortunately, she being a lesbian, it ended up with my being checked out by more than one very manly looking woman and our small group ended up in a corner table trying to ignore overzealous advances. Did run in to gay friend D who had just finished work at a local bar - and for some reason A and I thought it would be a fantastic idea to let him drive us home instead of taking a taxi. Unfortunately this resulted in a pitstop at a VERY dodgy bar that is fairly close to my house called Trackside. It's stickers on the wall, marker writing declaring people's existence... and one not so clean looking bathroom. Fortunately by this point I was feeling rather cheery after one too many gin and tonics (Hendrick's Gin - YAAY!) so I didn't really mind. We were chatting about A's boyfriend woes (long story but they live together and this is a situation that will not likely last much longer) and suddenly this weird redheaded guy came over and started hitting on her - D decides it's great to let him know that Elizabeth, as he introduced her, was currently jobless and had finished Texas State university with a degree in media but was currently looking for a job as a housekeeper. Umm.. this provided the gentleman in question with an interesting job proposition for A - and for the mans' companion to introduce himself to me. The companion in question was an honest to god Native American origin Kansas boy, fresh from the farm. Big blinding smile, drinking beer and trusting. Really really trusting. He didn't know the guy he was with very well but he didn't know anyone else in town and I didn't know what instinct to give in to - to feel terribly sorry for him, to feel like laughing at him or to to just let him find things out for himself. Small town boy in a big city and all that. Luckily I didn't have to decide as a brown concoction appeared in front of me, next to my beer, and I was told it was a shot. We couldn't be rude so................. I seem to remember it being referred to as a sexy beach. Not a sex on the beach. A sexy beach. Sexy beach my ass - the next morning I felt like a tsunami wave had knocked me over unconscious. I have not felt that sick since my record vodka night with Bam in the kitchen, followed by VE. I somehow got the guts up to go to work - spent the whole time on the train feeling like I was going to throw up on someone and it took me hours to recover. I kept trying to hide behind shelving when a customer approached me. Luckily, A didn't feel much better - something about hangovers together is reassuring.

It's also gotten really cold here - we have to wear sweaters and scarves. As I type, I'm sitting under a blanket and my fingers are freezing. This of course doesn't mean that you shouldn't plan to come visit me as it's still warmer here than there. The sun is shining, the leaves are beautiful colours and if we could find a table in the sun, we could still have lunch outside.
I've also started painting, gets my creative juices flowing.

Finally - I have hope for the intelligent single man. Saw an attractive man reading on the metro (Marta here!) and he was reading, drumroll please, 'Why I am Not a Christian' by Bertrand Russell. My heart did a flip, a dive and a hallelujah. They exist! Unfortunately I got off before he did and did not have much time to attempt to catch his eye. Still, I have hope.

Div honey, Bam is right about just letting it go. As much as I know you can't stop worrying about it, you have to know that worrying won't solve anything. You need time to yourself as much as you need time with him and yes, having a plan for your day is as vital as having free time to do nothing. Use the time to do what feels right for you.

Bam - oh my freakin god. You manage to attract the strangest men - and I thought you were going to potentially move in with S? Essentially - needs aside, are you going to live out the year with him? Don't think for a moment I'm being judgmental but you know, umm, a girl needs a place to put her hairdryer. I hold great hopes for the new D - just the potential is nice, as I'm sure you already appreciate. Also, much appreciated was the celeb gossip - pass it on to Perez ;)

Frenchie, I look forward to updates - and those promised photos of your trip. I understand they may be a bit x-rated for FB, but 3 or 4 can't hurt!

Many kisses to all of you - I dream often of when we'll next wine and dine together. There is nothing I miss more than seeing you after a day of work, or spending a whole evening watching the worst chick flicks ever made. I partially still overindulge in diet coke for all of the warm fuzzy memories.

Many kisses and hugs.

PS: I'll be back eventually, don't lose hope. Especially if McCain wins the election.

From London With Love

Hey Honeys,
I've been thinking about contributing to our little diary for a few days now and as always someone managed to beat me to it. In this case Divorcee. On the subject of your couple life all I would really want to say is that you should let it all run its own course. As much as you worry you can't control him or life, so just relax, enjoy the ride and hope for the best. I know this is not the most amazing advice ever, but I think it's worth a try. Plus I think that what is really contributing to these feelings in a large way is boredom. And having been in the same position for more than 2 months I understand what it starts doing to your head. Get active like you were thinking and I'm almost 100% sure that things will fall in place!

Now on the subject of my life in "sunny" London...
As you all know I've been here properly since the beginning of September. In this time I've probably had the most roller-coaster time ever in terms of my emotional and physical state. I'm still officially jobless, but currently doing part-time work for the "big and magnificent" Harrods. More specifically their marketing department. Also probably going to do some actual sales assistant work for them few days a week. Continuing to look for an actual full time position, but feeling a bit less depressed than before as I actually do something during my days. :)

Now moving on to much more interesting subjects i.e. my personal and social life.
I am still living at Ns place, which is getting a bit strange. He likes having me around but in effect I feel like he is looking for something more serious with me than I would ever want. I'm sooooo thankful to him for taking me in and everything, but I just don't see him as anything else than a great friend. Obviously it doesn't help that we tend to share a bed quite a lot, but I am a single girl and I have my needs... ;)
I think that I wouldn't actually be worried about N as much as I am, if he wasn't showing classic jealous boyfriend signs. The most recent being that we had a party a few weeks back and I met one of his friends, who I had an instant connection with (I'll tell you more about that in the next paragraph) and so spent half the night talking with. The guy's is an actual full time artist so from here on I'll refer to him as The Painter. Anyway so The Painter asked me out and I chose not to say this to N, but of course he found out somehow and was slightly upset with me. He said that he was disappointed in me because I didn't tell him. Whatever I did my best to patch things up, although I still believe that he had no business in knowing who I go out with. In the end he finally calmed down when I said that I'm not really interested in seeing The Painter any longer.

So now more about The Painter. He was obviously older, but not in his 40 yet. He was also very sweet and although when we went to Tate Britain I felt like I was on a date with a professor, I still quite liked him. So anyway the first date we went out on lasted for like 10 hours, cause we ended up going for dinner and drinks and etc. Finally at the end of the night I found out that I had kissed him at the party. This shocked me as I was really drunk that night and had no recollection of that. How typical! So after I finally managed to get over that shock he asked me to come to dinner at his place. BTW he lives in like zone 500 and I actually had to take a train there (first signs of this never working out). Nonetheless I went there and we had a lovely dinner together. Obviously I assumed that when a guy asks a girl to come over he want's to get biblical in some way or another. Well what happened was that we were kissing on the bed and all of a sudden he pulls away and tells me that he needs to tell me something. Not surprisingly this was slightly worrying, but nothing could have prepared me for what he was going to say, which was (wait for it) that he hasn't had sex in a while. Clarifying a while- IN 10 YEARS. I almost fell of the bed!!! I did try to reassure him that it was fine, but then he turned all girly on me saying that he wants to talk to me to feel more comfortable. I went with it, although in the end I wish I didn't as I didn't get any sleep all night because we had to talk and finally in the morning when we still hadn't had sex and he started making strange remarks about our future, I told him straight up that I'm not looking for a serious relationship. You should have seen his face. I swear I could actually see tears in the corner of his eyes. I finally managed to make my escape a few hours later after we walked around the park for an hour- him holding my hand (I felt there was a limit to how cruel I could be). So that much for dating artistic loner types!

As much as some of my dating experiences have been slightly strange lately there is also light at the end of the tunnel as I have actually met someone who I really like and who my newly married blond friend S calls boyfriend material. His name is D, he's French (I know very strange as I said I'd never date one) and actually in his late 20's (working in banking). Met him outside a nightclub with S on a girly night out. Actually S was shamelessly flirting with D's friend H and we were just standing around freezing. Later on I went as a buffer to a dinner with S and H and guess what his friend D ended up joining us. I had long decided that he didn't really fancy me and as it turned out he thought the same about me. Another week later and he actually got my number from S and called me up. All was going well except that he is on holiday in Australia for another 2 weeks, so whatever potential there is might disappear by the time he is back. We'll see! At least for now I'm feeling pretty happy!!! :)

Ok girlies I'm sure I have more stuff to tell you, but I'm sick of typing. Am going over to SE1 tonight to see Divorcee. Hopefully we won't get too carried away as I have work tomorrow. On the other hand you only live once!
I miss all of you terribly! London is not the same with you guys! Love ya!!!!!!

bam bam

PS! Completely forgot to tell you this... Went out with a French movie producer friend of mine on Halloween. We ended up going to this new club Vendome and I met on of his friends an actress called Vivienne. Talked to her for a while and found out that she is dating Guy Richie for the last 2 months. Also supposed reason for the Guy and Madge divorce is that Madge has a lover in New York for like the past year. Also this supposed lover is a girl! Lol

-Sorry for the typos! Really not feeling like rereading all of this!-

dear diary.

dear diary, it has been a long time since my last confession. too long. longlonglonglonglong. i believe i am now back among the living because i can actually feel that london is making me feel a bit down again. (note that there was no such actual feeling a while ago when everything exploded).
news? me and A entered the state of an old married couple yesterday when we met up to go and see the fireworks and afterwards both went our separate ways (home) and the worrying-bit... were both relieved about being able to be alone. is that terrible? does it mean the beginning of the end? am constantly scared of losing him, him getting bored of me, etc... what on earth have i become? since when am i the clingy person who asks "so when do i see you next"... since today, on the phone.
am wondering that perhaps i've got a little too much time on my hands. since getting back to london and after A's birthday trip to barcelona and my trip to iceland, i'm not really doing much. feels weird. the whole film thing in est ended with such a rush and it feels weird not to be busy doing something i love. so i try to write a little and read stuff for my dissertation but there is a kind of block in the air. don't know. and at the same time i'm scared of ending up where i did last spring. so the plan is to become more physically active. tonight is yoga. tomorrow i'm trying mountain climbing. perhaps it is only structure to my days that i need.
oh dear diary.... please save me from myself.
i wanted to talk about frenchie... the other day her brother came over to pick up some stuff and i swear i have never, ever, seen a brother admire and miss his older sister more. seriously. my old nostalgic and emotional self just wanted to shed a tear and my new melancholic self nearly did.
i write this, and once again feel that maybe i'm in love with everything around me. but this time it's no longer the first, intense, all-consuming love, but just calm and admiring. i miss you guys. seriously, there is noone to remind me that i'm getting too touchy-feely... is that how you spell it?
bam-bam called me this morning when i was in bed with fever. i will now call her back and pray that she does not expect me to leave my beloved, yet over-priced, se1.
and frenchie is coming on friday. heard this and my heart skipped a beat.
a'bama mama...COME BAAAAAAAACK. do you not hear me shouting it out loud across the mountains and seas like miss eyre did? COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. come back to us.
oh, dear diary, i am ever so lucky to have the friends that i have. even if we are not all in the room.

Hey girlies.

I'm choosing today not to be offended that no one has had the time to blog and just write what I was thinking.

The past week or so I've managed to speak to Frenchie and Bam and I was so happy to. And you know what - I've had enough to drink that I want to make my feelings known.

You have NO IDEA how excited I was that I spoke to you. Before I moved I wondered what this first year was going to bring. I spent 3 years with you (all in all I suppose) and I couldn't quite picture my life without you in it on a daily basis. I just had no idea what to expect - and I moved not knowing what life would bring. Well, in all honestly, it's brought nothing exciting yet. I've discovered I have a small passion for decorating and design (not enough for a career lol) and that I will struggle through life not knowing whether I want a career or to be a housewife. I also knew that it would be a test of my friendships, something I've struggled with for 20 odd years nonetheless.

I went out for dinner tonight with my friend A, her boyfriend and some people from his PhD program from Emory University (oh my god - GEEK alert in all capital letters). And I had fun with her and I realised I should be thankful for the friendship I've forged with her. But all the while this week I've also been realising that I'm hoping you guys are thinking of me too because I can't imagine my life without you, near or far. And it's just further proven that months or years may go by where we don't get to speak... but I always want to know how you're doing. I am also always thinking of you, somewhere in the back of my mind. I will always be happy to tell you about the dream last night and will always want to know that you're happy. And if you're not, I will always want you to know that I'm here to drink with you until you know that I'm a shoulder to cry on.

I've had too much to drink, I guess. But I wanted to tell you - I'm so thankful that you exist.

Ok, I'm sappy tonight. I'm sorry. I'll quickly and succinctly try to update you on my life.

I'm still in my crappy not so crappy job. Meaning that in the back of my head I've always known that retail and selling are something I'm very good at but never wanted to have as a career because I know how hard or how meritless or how unposh it is. But I'm good at it. I like being good at something. And at this job, I'm appreciated. Of course I realise it currently doesn't challenge me at all so of course there will be other jobs in my future, but please realise that I haven't changed my job yet because... well, because this still offers me something. I can't put in to words what but I'm fed up of feeling it's below par. It is what it is and it's what I'm doing. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't want to be mediocre at a job I'm not sure I want to do. I know that's all part of learning and growing up but I've done enough in life so far to warrant doing what's required to live only. Now I want something I'll love. I look forward to you lot telling me what that is because I have no bloody clue :D I want to open that bar some day. That's something I'd love.

I've been spending a lot of time with my friend A. She's cool. Different in many ways from all my friends before and in a way, we were put together, the lone 20 somethings in this retail world of mine. But I'm glad I've realised I like spending time with her. Finding friends after London has been a weird world that I'm slowly negotiating. I'm spending time with turtle boy and weird guy from work (L and J) and don't quite know how to put that in to words... they were friends of A's first and, well... they're new people. So that's cool just as it is. We play boardgames. We drink. We crack jokes. Wow. There IS life after London. It's just different.

I bought my first dress ever that I absolutely loved - I trust you've also seen the pictures of my shoes. I soon plan to find a venue or event that warrant wearing them.
Meanwhile, old friends have been taking the time to tell me that they miss me and that's been wonderful. I sometimes need reassuring that I'm a person worthy of being missed.

And sometimes I need to remind myself that I'm only 22 and that there's a big world out there waiting for me. Tonight I am thinking about being 50 and looking back on life and hoping that there are adventures that I wouldn't have any other way.

I'm Alabama Mama. I'm 22 and I live in Atlanta, Georgia. And there's a big world out there that feels cosier because I have great friends and people who think of me when I'm not there. That's kinda cool.

Ok, had two cigs and a big glass of wine. Work tomorrow.

Frenchie - enjoy your birthday weekend. I'm picturing us at your summer house drinking way too much wine and catching up on these past few months. And NEW YORK BABY. April 09 weekends are booked for you.

Bam Bam - I'm proud of you for being on your own. Whatever choices you make, it doesn't define your entire future and I know that eventually you will do what's right for you. Don't rush it. Go with the flow and know that wherever you end up, I love you and will support you.

Divorcee - we haven't spoken for a long time. I've heard you're doing well and I'm so happy for you. You deserve it. One day soon I look forward to a long phone call and a mental hug. Until then, you better be thinking about me bitch.

Love,

AM.

What are ya'll up to? :\ It better be exciting to trump entertaining me by posting.

I must start this entry by saying I'm having a cigarette.

If I drink more than usual and I don't have work the next day, something at the back of my mind always says 'have a cigarette'. Well, I was finishing my glass of wine and I had the urge. I said no. I was going to go to bed. But then I discovered red wine at the bottom of the bottle and knew what I was supposed to do: smoke. I may even have a second one.

Well Frenchie darling, I followed your advice and watched 27 Dresses today (god I love renting movies from my TV - so bloody easy). And man do I feel better!

I just wanted to update you (and Bam and Div) by saying I'm getting the urge to work back. I guess you could say the urge to live? but that sounds very dramatic. I'm at the point where I'm just about ready to face life again and give it 100% without regretting anything I suppose. I guess I can't explain my urge to sit back for these past 9 months and just watch the world go by and by no means do I expect anyone to understand it... unless you've watched 27 Dresses. I don't know if you knew it dear F, but I've felt like Jane Nichols for a long time - not being able to say no, taking care of everybody, whether they wanted it or not. I still love being there and helping - but for what will soon be a year, I had someone take care of me and it was GREAT. (Let me just light another ciggie girls..............................................................................................)
I feel weird telling the following story, not knowing if you'll understand but... three days ago, I went to turn on my much loved and much hated laptop. It's slow, it's sluggish, it's almost a piece of crap in the face of newer technology... but it didn't turn on. I left it overnight and tried to turn it on in the morning and yet again, it didn't awake. I went in to the kitchen to tell my mother and she reassured me that she would help me buy a new computer (meaning she'd buy it and I'd pay her back later at some point) and I mulled it over. She continued with her things and I went to my room and started to cry, just staring at my computer. And I realised that that piece of crap meant a lot to me - it was the first big thing my working and taking care of myself had reaped in rewards. If Div will recall, the first year of London living I had a very very very old laptop that by the end of the year had stopped typing G's and H's (the English language has a lot of those, btw, making life very difficult). I then lived without a computer for two months while I saved to buy a new one, living in Bam's flat all by myself, with very few people in London for comfort. This old thing has gotten me through a lot of things and I suddenly realised that this was one thing I didn't want to owe anyone for. My laptop has for a few years now symbolised my freedom. Through my tears, my mother suggested I try her power cord (her boyfriend just bought her a new Dell for her birthday) and.... my lovely Baby Dell awoke. So, with my own money, I've purchased my FOURTH new power cord (my god these things make existence hell) and my mark of independence lives to see another day. It was, though, coming close to the last thing that shows me that I'm ready to be fairly independent again. No, I don't want to pay rent for my own apartment yet - but I want to face a few new steps towards growing up which I think I'm getting ready to do. Or at least getting ready to work towards :) Long gone now are the days I fear when my rent leaves my account or worrying about saving money for groceries - things that plagued me. Obviously, I spent my money on drink and cigarettes without fail and I do not regret this in the least. My London years with you are a very fond memory for me, one which I will repeat at some point (living in culture, that is). But I'm gaining some new perspective on things, like what living in Atlanta is teaching me (to be a minority, for instance and that American men can be very ugly with bad haircuts) and on what I want. And that there are some very very big bugs in Georgia (I just flicked one away - it was GROSS with big tentacles) . You might remember my paralysing fear of moths? I saw one the size of a BAT on Friday and it scared the living jesus out of me. Luckily it was dead - nonetheless, I know it exists and now I live in fear lol
(lighting my last cigarette now...........................)

PUFF. The next time you see me I'm still going to be mellow. And changed. And hopefully better dressed (there's a show called 'What Not to Wear' and I think back in horror of some clothes I wore in London when I tried not to spend money on clothes *shudder*). But definitely I will be a more sane person, realising what lessons life has already taught me and knowing that the friends I made in university are some of the most wonderful people I think I will ever know, your flaws and all!! EWW. Another big bug. You know how much I love you bc I think it's a moth and I haven't fled..........

Basically, don't worry, I'm happy and I'm not in a rut. And I'll be even happier some time in the near future. And I might even be able to pick you up at the airport when you come visit in a car - a friend has kindly offered to teach me how to drive as my mother fears I will argue with her if she teaches me :P

Now, I hope to have updates from you all very soon, including Divorcee, who has dropped off the face of the earth.

I love you all lots but there's a moth hovering overhead so I'm going inside.

xx Bam
xx Frenchie
xx Divorcee

SATC - the movie

First of all babies, I must say that it was really weird to see this movie without you. Also, I went to see it with H. and although he didn't fall asleep (I was very, very proud of him) I still couldn't really share my excited 'ooooh, have you seen these shoooes' with him.

Apart from that, what is wrong with girls and this movie? The whole room started clapping and cheering and whistling at the beginning of the movie, and again at times during the movie.. I felt like being on a plane with those annoying people who clap when you take off and land.. They're not gonna hear it, people! It's a screen!

The room was so packed, and for the first time in my life I saw an overbooked screening room: they had sold more seats than existed in the room. So about 10 girls had to sit on the ground, before the first row, to watch the movie. I would probably have gone and thrown a tantrum (seats cost about 10-11 euros in France - it's NOT cheap) but they just sat there chatting and stating that they could admire their shoes better that way - very SATC I must say.

On to the movie itself.. mm, well, it was a bit disappointing. If you've seen the trailers, then there's absolutely no surprise left for you in the movie. And it was kinda long, even for me. And it is true that there's too much product placement. I mean, the Vogue photoshoot? Hello? did they really need to say that many designer's names? For me, it went from 'ooh, shoes'/'oh my god, I love this bag'/'cute-crazy dress' to.. "pff, one more" "and again". Yeah, maybe it's because I work at LV now, but this "let's-make-sure-we've-shown-all-the-fashion-brands, so no-one is jealous" became a little tiring in the end.

Besides, you all know that I have a shoe fetish, not a bag fetish. And I felt like they had abandonned the shoes for the bags in this movie. Even when she gives the LV bag to Louise, I though she'd have given her a pair of manolos, you know, kinda passing them along to the younger generation. But no.

Me disappointed.

Oh, and 'Louise' is such a bad actress!!!


Anyways, I hope you're proud of me for not revealing anything about the contents of the movie on this blog - I know how much you peeps love suspense, and you know how little I usually care for it... Aren't you proud now? :)

Next time we reunite, we'll have to see it again altogether!! With loads of alcohol of course...

xoxoxoxoxo

Carried Away!

Just wanted to let ya'll know that I went to see The Sex And The City Movie yesterday and... IT WAS AMAZING!!!
Ok, so I'll be honest it wasn't like the best movie I've ever seen but I loved it anyway and would happily go see it again and again and again...
BTW the cinema was crazy! I went to see it around 5pm and there were girls for miles around. Plus I've never witnessed people clapping in a commercial cinema before I went to see SATCM (girls kept clapping through the whole 2 hours and 25 mins, lol).
Most importantly I wish we would have seen it all together!!!!!!

Ok, everyone who sees it must comment here!!! Looking forward to your thoughts!

Xxxxxx
PS! The shoe closet that Big builds for Carrie is AMAZING! I want one, Like NOW! :)

Hey girlies,

Bam Bam my dear - it's time. Maybe it was time to break up, maybe it's the time to drink. What I can't stop thinking about is that maybe it's time to find that Mr Blue (was that what the man was called?). Maybe without a safety net you'll be willing to trip over his leg as he sits on the stoop of that building having his morning coffee. Div and Frenchie, I realise you may not know what I'm talking about. Once, a long time ago, Bam and I took one of those horrible weepy Cosmo quizzes - but this one was strangely accurate. For having known her for 8 years now, I couldn't imagine a more perfect - and unexpected - man for Bam. I can tell you now that Ju isn't it, but if you need a rebound man, he's hot. He's also French - how classy!

I was speaking with Ks yesterday who said that her mom had spoken to your mom and that you were moving to the US. I told her I didn't think so and that she should definitely contact you about that job that WE talked about. Saying that made me sad because I really wish you WERE moving here. 1) I think it would be good for you. 2) You're still on my T-mobile MyFaves and I don't have the heart to remove your number. 3) I would love being able to call you whenever just to talk about whatever without hours of time difference.
This of course goes for all of you - I have space for two more numbers ;-)

News from my side - I finally got my permit. Haven't actually USED it yet but hell, I need a license some time so it'll go in to practice time soon. I've also decided to buy a scooter because I can't afford a car and because they get such good mileage (yes, I talk about these things... the price of gas is ridiculous. Grr). Henry is going to have a cousin. Preferably a red or midnight blue cousin. Named Bella - short for Isabella. (This confused my mother).
My brother is leaving for Estonia for 6 weeks on the 12thof June, but he's coming back. Did I tell any of you that? I was going to convert his room in to a study. Grr.
Umm... I was denied a credit card? I have no credit rating and haven't had my bank account long enough to get one. So how am I supposed to get a credit rating without a credit card? I hate this stuff. I just want to have a credit rating and be done with it!
Still further, I'm hoping to plan a trip to Cuba. I was being romantic and decided September but I really don't think that's practical. But I WILL go, before Raoul makes it like every other country. I need to feel what Hemingway felt - I need inspiration.
I also reeeeeally hurt myself gardening on Monday. Ahem, what I actually mean is that I was more out of shape than I thought and felt like I'd done 3 hours of heavy duty aerobics and have been hobbling about like an 80-year old woman for 3 days. I'm pathetic.

Div, why Vancouver? You never answered my text message.

Frenchie, I want to get drunk in Paris too *SOB* Move here soon.

Bam - come back!

Sorry for being disjointed in my typing - I've just realised it's 1.10 pm and I've achieved nothing. Part of my new lifestyle is achieving SMALL things. Today, I will clean the kitchen. (Yip bloody hurrah). I already ordered my mother's birthday present (Tiffany - I'm broke...).

Love you.

On love, loss and other technicalities of life..

Hey baby,

Well, first of all, mm, how do you address these things? Should I say that I'm sorry for your loss? Is that inappropriate?

Of course, first advice you'd get from me (and thank god Div and AM are so different from me so you'll get a whole range of opposite advice) would be to go get drunk and find a rebound guy to keep your mind off the pain, until there's actually no pain left.

But hey, even I realise it's not the most mature and adult thing to do.. Although it is nonetheless a good way to 'deal' with a problem without dealing with it. Ooooh, I love escaping problems.

If you want my little analysis of the situation, and it’s not going to help, but I’m going to state it as I see it…

I think you loved him because he reflected the image of you you’d want people to see, not the first impression they guess at first glance.
He was the first guy who truly looked past the bambi eyes and boobs and blond locks, and looked for the real girl behind the party girl in you. And when you call him your safety net, I think you couldn’t have found a better expression. He was, indeed, the guy you’d go back to if other attempted relationships (or encounters) failed in London, or if the guys you liked in the UK weren’t ready to get to know the real you. Because in all honesty, you weren’t exactly faithful over the years either. You were accustomed to having him around, always, even if he was in a different country, to reassure you, to tell you that when you drop the mask, you’re still very much (and even more) likable than the bubbly and upbeat personality you show to people you don’t know.

Don’t get me wrong, both these sides of you are very likable indeed, but only one of them is who you really are and the other side of your personality is who you think people will like more. Or not like more, but at least the personality guys will immediately be attracted to. And they are, only I’m pretty sure you’re always afraid that if you start showing the other you, they’ll lose interest.

I guess that’s where the emptiness comes from, and the sadness – besides the fact that you truly did love him.

I’m sorry about the cheap psycho-analysis honey, but what I really wanted to say is that.. I think you're ready to spread your wings baby. You have been for a while. It will take a little time for you to see it and lose the sadness, but I’m sure you’ll recover just fine.
And remember: if he loved you through and through, others will too. Others will see by the boobs and bambi blue eyes and good looks (which are very much likeable too) and look at the very smart and nice and funny girl we know.

Anyways, if you liked my first advice better than my cheap psycho-analysis, you can always come to Paris, get pissed, and I’m pretty sure Ju will be more than happy to serve as your rebound guy...!


Love, always

frenchie

Turningpoint

Hello Darlings,
I know I've been all gone from the blog scene for a while, but seriously it's not my fault. University is really kicking in again, with exams and all so I spend my time either writing my dissertation/ business plan or getting hopelessly drunk so not to remember that I should be working on my dissertation.

Moving on to more important topics...
As of yesterday, the 20th of May, at 10am I am officially completely no ifs or buts SINGLE. Me and my lovely other half had a nice little phone conversation. He announced that he was in Denmark on some sort of a roadtrip with some "friends" (read girls + massive midlife crisis) and that although he still has really deep feelings for me, he doesn't know what's going to happen (read on the trip & with the girls). I basically ended up saying that I will not tolerate being cheated on and that I deserve equal opportunities (aka going out with lots of boys) and that the only way this is going to be possible is if I'm not attached to anyone or anything. Long story short he finally agreed that it was for the best so I am now finally for the first time in 5 year truly single.

It's a strange feeling not having that safety net anymore. I always though that when I finally broke up with A I wouldn't feel really different (I mean we live in different countries and all), but to be honest I feel completely different, a little empty really. Sad!
But you can be proud of your little energetic alcoholic friend for doing something right this time around (LOL).

As for the future, I don't really think that this is completely the end. I'm sure we'll see eachother and we'll have to reevaluate our relationship at somepoint (I don't mean relationship in that sappy I love you kind of way, although believe it or not I actually do love him a lot).

I'll be back in my homeland at the end of June and I'm finally realizing that I have so much planned for the summer that I won't have any time to work, lol. My current plan is to ask my dad for a graduation present, which will consist of financing my summer holiday :) Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Divorcee I'm also hoping that we'll take that lovely trip to Ukraine in August :)

Love,
BB

PS! My mama is coming today for a week, so it will be nice to have some distraction and spend some quality family time. Xxx

HEAT!

I wish I would (melt). I love the heat. It means I'm gonna be tanned and look slimmer.

Yes, I might be a little obsessed with my weight and overall appearance these days.

It's not my fault every single French girl in Paris is slim and toned and tanned and super-hot, and it's not my fault no-one is on this diet with me, hence I've got no-one to whine about it with. Thus if I can't whine, I'm gonna talk about the happy sides of it (because unless you're on a diet too, you don't want to hear me complaining about my diet, trust me)..

So I'm a little obsessed. So what?
Nothing else is happening in my life, besides work. And work. Oh, and some MORE work.
Although I still do go out, I just get home a little earlier.. And it doesn't seem to count, as soon as I get home I'm stressed and obesessed with work again - no matter the time - so I forget about parties and friends immediately..

On monday I met up with Sa. (remember her? lived in London last year, went to Kings's) and Ma. (my crazy blond friend) - by the way I've decided to add a second letter to people's names, so that it'd be less confusing - for drinks. I had Pimms!!! So good. Sooo good. lol
Anyways, Ju. (Ma's ex boyfriend) came by (he had some papers for Ma.) and sat with us. 5 minutes later Ma. left, and so did Sa. a couple minutes later.
I felt trapped!! So I had a drink with him. H called (he was annoyed that I was having a drink with Ju. on my own) to invite us to a party.

Let me just say that it was one crazy party. It was in the Louvre, was openbar all night long, and suffice to say that I got completely drunk.
So drunk in fact, that I ended up in the Men's (VIP) bathroom, smoking pot with three of one of my acquaintances' friends - when I hadn't touched a joint in 5 years - and it was fuuuuuuun.
And the funniest of it all, is that I got home at midnight! I got completely pissed and high just between 7.30pm and midnight. Cool.
Oh, and Lindsay Lohan was the 'godmother' of the party.. She looks gross in real life, and really orange. But she has a great body.

And on wednesday, I went to Ju's (the female one) flat after work for a little get-together, and with 3 other girls and two guys we ended up love-bitting each other. Just for fun. Just because we were drunk as hell. It wasn't sexual at all.

Gosh, I'm weird. My friends are weird. People in Paris are weird. Pfeeew. CRA-ZY.

Anyways, we don't write, but YOU don't write either, U.S. Biatch. You're not even on facebook anymore. Congrats on the permit though!!! You do know that when you do get the full licence, you'll have to take us all on a roadtrip throughout the US, right?

hihi

MUCH LOVE

crazy-frenchie

I'm worried about the heat this summer. I might melt.

I GOT MY PERMIT! Next step: license.

Love you more and more each day, even though none of you write or email me.

AM

PS:

Yes, my picture is crap.

Sharing

Hey bitches,

First of all, I want to let you know that I've finally found the song I had been looking for for a month or so! Had heard it on the radio, was too busy taking a shower to actually check the time, and ever since "di deng di deng digi digi" (the only 'sentence' I knew from the song) had been in my head 24/7!

And this morning, I've finally heard it again! So I'm sharing this with you girls:
Robyn's cover of the Teddybears' song: Cobrastyle. Yeah!



Second great news, and no one is going to give a damn, but my jeans fit me again!! Not the 4-years-ago ones, duh, but the one-year-ago ones. Still good news.
I'm letting you bitches know that the 4-years-ago ones will fit me soon.
I am mo-ti-va-ted. I'll succeed.
And if I don't, please just delete this post from the blog and erase it from your memory! ;)

Anyways, much love, as always

frenchie

ps: I think (from the previous post) that AM is a bit blue on her side of the pond, don'tcha think? What's going on?

A fear and a hope.

Copyright PostSecret.com 2008.

I like it in the city when two worlds collide.

I'm listening to Adele's Hometown Glory and it feels like my song tonight. It was a beautiful warm day and I spent it painting the back of the house - it was actually interesting because for the first time in a long time I didn't mind listening to the birds and thinking my thoughts. Thinking didn't stress me out. It was great.

My biggest immediate problem is currently whether to buy a moisturiser with self tanner or to buy a regular one PLUS self tanner. Also that my wardrobe is incredibly poorly suited to American climes! I'm just now realising that heading to work this summer will involve lots of sweating so I'm trying to buy clothes that won't touch me at all - no easy feat! I'm liking this 'all sorts of lonesome' that I'm going through because I'm really enjoying my own company. I like taking the MARTA and watching people (because people are strange) and I like going to work because there are different, yet still strange, people.

Having this time to myself in nicer weather has meant that I've had time to plan things - I have now decided to host a dinner party/possible BBQ here at my house on September 20th. You are invited. As are various other Londoners and people I know who have long harboured a desire to see America. It can be the reason for your trip or simply a pleasant dinner on your drive to more interesting places. You girls will obviously be invited to stay longer with me or in a lovely local B&B should you choose so. With the new Delta merger there is absolutely no reason not to find a flight - all airports lead to Atlanta lol
I'm prepared to receive all negative answers to my invitation but a part of me thinks it would be possible. A part of me also thinks my friends might want to enjoy some warm weather when weather in Europe starts to get shitty. And finally, a part of me likes to be really romantic and think that wonderfully fairytale-like dinner parties are possible.
Candles, Southern delicacies (no, we don't serve sheep's eyes or anything) and lots of wine. Let's see what happens.

In further news of my life, I too am trying to live life by the seat of its pants, take it as it comes. Of course, my life is going about the speed of my grandmother's wheelchair so it makes for a nice smooth ride. As I sit here typing I'm beginning to realise that while I may not be as brave as I would like to be, I'm learning what I can be. Maybe even who I want to be. Who knew that a few glasses of pinot grigio could spurn such philosophical meanderings each evening?

Meanwhile, I have bought two packs of cigarettes since returning from New York. Sigh. I love smoking out in the back yard after my mother has gone to sleep (no, she doesn't need to know) and looking at the stars.

I'm going to take my paint-covered self for a shower now - and then out for a cigarette. I haven't had one since Tuesday!

Bam - please post pictures. I have a frame ready for 'The One'.
Frenchie - I'll listen to Robbie in your honour.
Div - I can guarantee you that your downstairs neighbour really doesn't like you now. xx
Love you all.

Sexed up.

Ok, so i'm going to try and be really short, because I have a 'ma-ja' meeting in about an hour and a half that I'm not at all prepared for.

So, for those of you who don't know (ie Bam)I'm currently sort of dating a gorgeous 35 year old actor/playwright, who has a great sense of humour, is really smart, and generally quite nice and intelligent. You name it, he's mr Perfect.
Only he's a fucking romantic too (sending text messages and making phonecalls 10 times a day to wish me a good day, tell me the sun is shining... blah. He hasn't dared mentioning birds chipping -yet- but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even find it corny). Anyways, you know very well how annoying I find this, especially since I'm required to answer these messages otherwise he gets "desperate" (in his own words).

I decided nonetheless to have sex with him, because, well, he's gorgeous, and 35, so it can't go wrong, right? I'm supposed to see him tonight for that.

Only problem is that my sex cravings were entirely satisfied last night, by a guy who made me realise that there's something missing with old mr perfect, and that is... wait for it... butterflies. Yep, me, Frenchie, using such a mellow-corny word. uh-uh. Not that I'm in love with young-mr-hottie (the one I had sex with last night), but at least I felt.. dunno, that I really wanted him. And it also felt as though none of us were playing a game, which was nice too.

Suffice to say that I went to a bar last night (with about 20 friends of mine), spent half the night chatting with a great Brasilian guy (who happens to be dating one of my friends)about relationships and marriage and failure and drugs and god knows what, and I got really drunk. I then realised that this guy I had met at a birthday a month ago (we had spent the whole night talking and smoking cigarettes - literally until 7am - but nothing had happened) was there and kinda looking at me, so we talked until the bar closed. We got out, and he kissed me (which I thought would never happen as he looked like a rather 'shy' guy). He was walking me back to the taxi station when I decided to go have sex with him, just randomly, because I felt like it, instead of going home - and he wanted it too, I didn't push it.

So we went to his, had sex, then slept, had sex again, and then it was morning, I had slept 1h in the night and I had to go to work (so did he). Only we decided to take a very quick nap, I missed my alarm clock, and when I woke up it was 9am and I was late. I got dressed really quick, we kissed and I left. I didn't even ask for his number - neither did he by the way.
I'll see him again when I see him again, which probably means in another couple of months or so. I don't really care. I like him, but I'm not in a hurry. Somehow, I'm not desperate to be with someone, and I've decided to take a very philosophical approach to matters of life and love: whatever happens, happens when it happens. LOL

Mmm, and yeah, tiny problem, I missed my alarm because my phone ran out of battery, which means I can't call old-mr-perfect to re-schedule or tell him to go fuck himself. I'm supposed to see him straight after work, and obviously I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes (which, by the way, everybody noticed at work) and I didn't even fucking had a shower (didn't have time for that) but I'm craving one right now. So, there's no way I'm gonna have sex with him tonight lol.


Anyways, I've got to get bacK to work, will write more later..


hugs'n'kisses biatches

Frenchie

ps: I've got a MAJOR HANGOVER.

on over-medication.

time, once more is running out on me. deadlines are approaching faster than i can get out of bed. so what else would i be doing right now, other than waiting for my new friend, the plumber, to come back from his lunch and continue drilling.
got a call yesterday from the guy at the gate saying that the ceiling underneath me has been ruined and there's a lot of water coming through. water underneath my bedroom floor. you know... pipes just get old and things need to be replaced and everyday life dealt with. so i'm dealing.
otherwise, i saw a photograph on facebook today, posted by H who i went out with on saturday. the photograph show me talking to the guy i very publicly made out with. didn't sleep with him though... was hairy, had my periods and couldn't generally be bothered. couldn't be bothered because despite the temporary sex-goddess in me that raised it's shiny and pretty head during the little vacation i had from being an emancipated single girl in london, my mojo and libido are pretty much down to minus 2000 again. am contemplating shaving my legs for the little 'drinks thing' tomorrow though. who know...perhaps i'll even survive the sex bit. it's a good thing H posted the photo because i for one was definitely not sure what A looked like. well, now i know.
i don't get lasting image-memories from reality these days. blame the medication. everything is a bit of a blur and it's hard to give a fuck.
oh, great, my friend is back. drilling. drilling. drilling.... away.
he had his first cup of peppermint tea today. first in his life. and he's very proud that he's in such great shape to be able t fit in tight areas. whatever way you interpret that.
tonight i'm going to the theater with my wonderful flatmates who are moving out on saturday into their Washington CC as M has put it. the flat is in a council estate in Waterloo and the estate looks a bit like a small medieval castle, from a very low and far angle obviously. so M has taken to calling it the Council Castle, and lately just CC. when they move out i'll have more space and more air, but also absolutely noone to immediately bounce back from when another attack is aimed at me by me. i'm considering doing an english language course soon. it's time for me to start learning the language i believe.

oh, and who the fuck cares about human dignity anyways?

love me,
Big D.

ps. apologies for the rude language.

Right - first things first.

I would like to mention how DEEPLY insulted I am that you had no faith that I would buy my flight tickets to NY. If I TOLD you I would be there, I will BE there. SHEESH!

So anyway, I bought them.








I felt like writing but now I don't know what. The weather here is freaky - one day it's 20C, and then, like today, it snowed. We're already planting in the garden which I'm enjoying (sense of accomplishment, blah blah) and I'm trying not to shop in anticipation of saving up to drink when we're all together. This doesn't bode well and also I'm now saving up for a car (WEEEEEEP) which I don't want but need. Sigh. I hate cars.
Ok, I was wrong. I have nothing to say but I really wanted to talk to you. I miss talking to you. [To do list: buy more phone cards].

I'm going to go finish my book now: Memory Keeper's Daughter. I'm liking it.

Love.

quoting 'Everything is Illuminated,' AM, you distress me.

love you,
D.

New York New York

Good thing I already have the shiny golden leggings then!
I was more thinking about loads of drinks and cigarettes though..
xxx

I am writing to announce the official board meeting of the London branch of Alcoholics United, to reconvene the last weekend of March in New York City, New York.

On a new note, Bam and I have been discussing what we want to do and I want to do everything they do in the below video. It looks exciting! Don't worry about the outfits, I'll get everything we need. Love you!!

AM

Justice - d.a.n.c.e.

Micky Green - "Oh"

ps: I know the guy in the video lol

So I guess it's my turn, right?

Ok lovelies

If even Divorcée has started writing on the blog, I figured I should be contributing a little too..

First and foremost: the smoking ban isn't as bad as I thought (only because I don't often go to bars or restaurants during the week, thus I do not smoke)..

My friends and I have all caught pneumonia as we only chose go to bars with terrasses now (albeit mostly heated ones) so we can drink and smoke without having to go out and back in again and back out... which means that you can check out whomever's walking by and comment on their age/outfit/shoes/bad taste/good taste/facelift/lack of facelift/ugly boyfriend/cute girlfriend - grr/bad manners... I guess you see the point.

Gossip is France's favorite activity. Or at least Paris'.

I've also decided to bring a little culture back in my life, and have filled evenings (post-work) with events that I should attend (exhibition openings, movie premieres, plays, concerts) so that: I wouldn't have a single evening with nothing planned, to force me out of my recent grandma's lifestyle (breakfast, transport, work, lunch, work, transport, diner, bed); and so I'd be a little smarter at the end of the month. As you might imagine, that's not going so well, as exhibition openings and premieres etc all have free champagne to offer, and the bar has a tendency to receive more attention from me than the actual (shitty) artworks/movies, therfore leading to a drunken end of the night, dinner at 2am and bed at 3..

Last week was H's birthday, which he decided "not to celebrate as he couldn't be bothered to see his friends" - who were annoying him, but he still met up with some of them at La Flèche d'Or (the Golden Arrow) as a couple of our friends were playing a gig there. I went to the theatre first and joined them afterwards, to give H his present (a camera: Holga - Lomographic) which J (remember M's ex boyfriend? she's dating his best friend now.. rings a bell?) and I had bought. Then J, H, V (a guy friend of theirs, really cool and funny) and I all went for dinner at 2am. It was weirdly a really good time, lots of laughter and good food and wine.

But that wasn't the end of the "non"-celebrations.. Yesterday, H had decided to celebrate his birthday after all (with another friend of his - from the Pain O Chokolat "crew" - whose birthday was a week ago), and had chosen for that.. to privatise Le Baron, which is simply one of the trendiest - hardest to get in - clubs in Paris. Hum. So L and I got there (she was with her new boyfriend before, was kinda drunk and couldn't wait to go back to his to join him again - blah) along with AL's best friend. (AL being the girl I went to New York with, in case I've lost you with all the initials already).

We started drinking, and after a couple hours the night got really weird. J and V were there too, and by 2 am H, J, V, AL's best friend and I had decided to leave the club H had privatised to go to another party!

Funny.

AL's best friend and I were standing outside the club, trying to decide whether we should take a cab or ride with any of the boys who had drunk quite a bit already, when a guy walked up to us and started randomly talking to us. He was Micky Green's guitarist (see video attached of one of micky green's songs) and told us - major scoop, no one knows yet, not even micky green lol - that he was leaving her to do shows with his other band - called Spleen - and that we should come to his next concerts.. We had seen them in concert before, and they're really good, so we agreed, and then discovered that one of these concerts is with Keziah Jones in three weeks' time!! Needless to say.. We are so going.

We decided to take a cab to the next party, instead of riding with the boys, only to arrive on a tiny street near La République. We past a huge door/gate, to arrive in a long corridor leading to a long, huge courtyard, on which many of what seemed like artists' ateliers (and indeed were) seemed to open onto. In one of these lofts/houses/ateliers, there was the party. The house itself had completely bare, white walls inside, with nothing but a massive living room (with rooftop windows, video projections on the walls, a massive mezzanine with 3 djs overlooking the crowd, and a couple of other rooms and staircases leading up to whoknowswhat) and at least 60 dead-drunk or dead-high people dancing and chatting and god knows what. It was crazy. After a couple of minutes inside, we realized that this party hosted simply the finest in (what is called abroad the) "french touch" and other international artists. Indeed, there were Justice's duo (video exhibit number two lol), Pedro Winter (the EdBanger creator and his 'crew') as well as Micky Green (funny to bump into her there!) a couple of other singers, two or three very famous young French actors, a couple of successfull rock bands.... It was very interesting indeed.

Unfortunately, as neither AL's best friend, J, V or I were high, we found it rapidly boring and decided to leave (at 4h30am) and to go home.

Altogether it was a really weird/funny/weird night. At least I can now go to their concerts and feel like I'm part of the cool crowd now lol.

Alright, I'm now dead tired, I have to wake up early tomorrow, go to work, go to school, then attend a movie premiere (the new Kusturica)... Pfew, my life is so full these days that I don't even have time to think. Which, in my case, is a good thing. Otherwise I get depressed.

Anyways, see you in New York bitches.. :) (is Bam Bam coming too?)

MUCH LOVE

I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm tired.

Today is my day off but I'm at Caribou again bc mommy had a meeting that she forced me to come in with her for - we're going shopping after. So I had to crawl out of bed at 6 again - thank god I decided not to wash my hair and go for the grunge look. They know me here - I need no excuse :P At least I'm wearing pretty gold shoes.

I'm going to start my driving course thing - I'll do an online schooling thing and then go get my permit next Thursday I think - isn't it exciting? Personally, for me, not so much. I don't want to own a car. I don't want to take care of it. I don't want to have to remember to buy gas and when the oil needs to be changed. I don't want to pay insurance and I don't want to have to do all the grocery shopping. On the other hand, it spells a bit more freedom. I'm torn! Basically, I want to live in a city that doesn't require driving - that is in the future.

So I'm going to stop now and start taking this damn online learning thing. Which I don't even know if I need because there are no laws that pertain to me! I'm a sad sad case.
Woe is me. Blah Blah.

God dam varmint.

This is the song I most love to play on Guitar Hero as it's really easy. It also somewhat matches my feelings about the vent section below. Muah.

Well girlies

I'm writing a sad post because I was up for an hour last night thinking about it.

I'm really upset about Heath Ledger. This might sound strange but - who didn't grow up watching '10 Things I Hate About You'? How many millions of times have I watched that movie and lamented the story? We needn't even talk about the rest.
I wasn't completely understanding of the shock my mother went through when a childhood acquaintance of hers recently died of a sudden brain aneurysm - they weren't very close but had spent a lot of time together. They were the same age.
You just begin to realise how sudden death is and how permanent and.... and that life is fragile and that we're old enough to be at that point where things can suddenly happen. Puts an interesting perspective on things, doesn't it.

Divorcee honey, thank you for writing. A) It makes me less pathetic and B) I was so glad to read what you had to say. Also oddly appreciative of not naming the baby, if you know what I mean. It feels like we still have a purpose lol

To further make yesterday weird, I had a bad day at work. Two people were very very rude to me (one in person, one on the phone who HUNG UP on me) and this is for them. As Perez says, 'This may be offensive so please skip the next paragraph if you can't stomach it' or something like that.. whatever.

When you enter a store that is open for your convenience, I am not your god damn servant. Everything I do I do so that your stupidity doesn't hurt you or cost you excess money. When I offer you a free service like CUSTOM DESIGN but I say you will have to wait 15 minutes, don't give me shit about not wanting to give me a contact phone number for the wait pager because 'we are the only people who ask for it and it's none of my god damn business'. IF THAT IS THE WAY WE DO BUSINESS AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GO SHOP AT GOD DAMN TARGET. DO NOT make me feel like an incompetent moron because you have issues. You gave me your name - do you realise nearly every customer who comes through our store is searchable on the internet? You are the biggest moron on the face of the earth and if you have kids, you better hope they weren't bullied in school for having an asshole father like you. Then, when I take the trouble to try to take an order over the phone from a STORE, do not get mad at me for hearing you incorrectly. I have music and customers behind me and, dare you forget, a STORE is what you VISIT to PURCHASE ITEMS. We're not a god damn order catalog service. If you want your cheap ass boxes shipped and you aren't familiar with the INTERNET, get a life and understand that I am not here to make you feel as if you have the upper hand. You don't. In my head you are THISCLOSE to having VOODOO done on your bony ass.

Ok, I'm back. Sorry. I had to vent and you girls are who I normally vent to and I needed to get it out there before I went back to work today to deal with more nincompoops who have money and no brains. 95% of them are ok, or even nice, but still strange. 4% make me think about grabbing an Uzi and brandishing it powerfully in front of their faces. I am, of course, a peace loving person and would never hurt another person. I will admit to having contemplated hiring someone to do it at certain times though ;-) 1% are people who steal and I have no time for them.

Oh, I also had a shitty scary moment when what we think was an opossum got in to our basement and climbed up the stairs and started eating cat food. All holes have now been plugged but for a whole night I was afraid to step on the floor. You know what I'm like with moths - imagine a wild animal that can bite. YIKES!

Ok. I'm off to deal with the brainless, monied masses. OH - FYI - No more than one facelift each please. I've seen 2 and more and trust me, it's Fucking Ugly. Oh, and diamonds bigger than your nose. Now those I covet just a little bit.... just not the Joan Rivers frying pan face.

Love you more each day.

AM

definite lack of cynicism. forgive me. it'll be back tomorrow.

I can do this.
Truly, I can.
continuing AM's tradition of sad songs... all of this should be approached not only with mild sarcasm but also with a little pathetic tear in the corner of the eye....



beware everyone allergic to cliches. because this is me doing a little teenage retrospective.
There is nothing you guys don't know. So i figured there'd be nothing to write. but then I remembered that i am crap at remembering. it just hit me: the things that i forget.

Amsterdam kicked off the change. the Nazi and I had a great time. who would have thought. on our first night i managed to get both drunk and high and then spend some truly remarkable and perfect moments discovering the inner shape of the toilet in our hostel room. and then the next day after facing near-extinction 24 hours earlier i met up with M. it took about 15 minutes for me to realize that i had not just been obsessed for the past 5 or whatever years. wow, yours truly had actually been in love for the whole time. who'd have thought... so i told him. a perfect moment, perfect honesty. and then nothingness. a lot of new misunderstandings and having conversations with myself. but i got rid of it. you know, the same nothingness that had been full of the old nothingness was now actually completely empty. my all-time favorite affirmation came to be 'I'm fine'. on the train to Amsterdam i had been so scared and so so so tired of trying, that when Nazi was asleep I had a quiet but massive nervous-breakdown. somehow i expected the same to happen on the ride back as well, but it didn't. i was just empty. and then like that for another few weeks. and then i stopped caring. click. that funny week followed when i spent my whole days at the British library and nights at weird parties either alone or with weird people. probably due to lack of sleep and too much alcohol in my blood everything started seeming miniature. you know what i mean? like you can handle and conquer and have things and situations. haha. like i'm a grown-up and my life is my own.
so in between there was the day with the ex-husband and T. (How weird, I've just spent a good few minutes trying to figure out a name for T here. you know, something characteristic, etc... but i'm unable to make one up and wonder whether it's because this is seriously the first time I'm attempting a relationship (?) without approaching it with cynicism... or is the lack of a good name a sign of me not having really been able to discuss this 'thing' with all four of us around the table? so, until we are together around one table with four perfect cocktails in front of us,he shall remain T. and if he's still around then we'll change it.)
I miss you guys. i miss us.
my focus right now is not sharp... there's still too much and slightly too little. and more than anything I want to WANT more. from myself that is.

perhaps tomorrow I'll write something a little more relevant now that the catch-up with myself has been done.

BIG D.

Alright -I'm starting to feel a little pathetic. I know at least TWO of you are back from holiday.

I am writing today to make an observation on Men in Atlanta. I'm sitting in Caribou coffee again this morning and after looking up from my laptop for the first time in an hour, I was shocked.
Let me tell you why.

It's a small Caribou but currently sitting and enjoying hot caffeinated beverages are the following: 14 people - 5 of them women. Of the 9 men, 6 have grey hair or are balding, and not in a good George Clooney/Richard Gere kind of way. Of the three that appear to be under 35, one looks like a Chinese chipmunk with bad hair and white chinos on. Eew. One has a receding hairline and looks like a dead fish. Finally, the one sitting across from me looks about 28. Hair gelled and looks a little like he has hairplugs, when actually he doesn't. I wish someone had warned him. Not dressed badly. Had two coffees (yay, appreciates caffeine as much as I do). Good shoes. But he's married.
Everyone is bloody well married.

Did I mention the cute guy at work? It's a bit of a creep story, actually. For the sake of a good story, will call him Southern Gentleman - SG for short. He is, in the words of my mother, from a great old southern family, well-mannered, well-kept and fairly attractive. The older ladies at work all swoon when dealing with him because as they are always saying, he is the perfect Southern Gentleman.
Well, I had been at work about a week when I'm at home one day indulging in some red wine. Unfortunately, so had my mother and she saw fit to start telling me about some people at work, including SG. Supposedly, before I arrived in the US, he was talking to my mother and said something along the lines of 'I wish I didn't have a girlfriend so I could date your daughter, just because you're so wonderful.' Now, I paraphrase what my mother said, and my mother herself tried to say that he had said it in a way that was indeed charming and flattering to us both but... either he or she failed. MASSIVELY. I mean, on what planet does a daughter truly want to be asked out on a date because, if her mother is so cool, then she must be an interesting option? I don't know about you but I've taken to being slightly offhanded around SG. Unfortunately, he is truly the only attractive guy at work who isn't engaged or married or living with his girlfriend. I swear, the US dating culture means that I am a single girl living in a world of M-A-R-R-I-E-D-S or N-E-A-R-L-Y M-A-R-R-I-E-D-S. Eew. I can take a few, but millions?
Girlies, I might be fleeing back sooner than we thought ;-)
Muah.

I feel no shame that I am the only one with enough time on her hands to write obsessively. Truly. I'm FINE with it.

I just wanted to tell you about my evening. I was finishing up a girlie book. Well, I've been attempting to read intelligent things for a few weeks now so I figured I was brave enough to show my horrible taste to the public - I've been seen with enough 'quality' to not be judged! So, the lead character is of course single and a smoker (thank god for the normal single girls) and well, she had 'quit' and unquit smoking.... and I had had two glasses of wine. I hadn't had a cigarette since about October 23rd so I deserved one! I was outside and smoking and thinking how great it was - I love being a social smoker (I can't wait to see you when I can smoke for a week with company!) :D Further, I was finishing up and remembered by first cigarette... with Bam and our friend L behind the cinema back home. God - it was such a long time ago now. Strange :) Smoking kinda sums up my entire time at university.

Hope you're all enjoying yourselves - I'm going back to being a non-smoker for the time being. Muah.

My First Official Update

WHILE READING, PLAY THIS ( I was listening to it while writing and it seemed to strike a chord...you might want to watch video later as that wasn't exactly the mood I was writing with)

FIRSTLY - I want you to know the lengths that I go to in order to make this possible. I woke up at 4.55 AM and was at this cafe at 6 AM. They have wireless and are next to work and so I have from 6 until 8.30 to catch up on all my internattage and to write this blog entry.

So - I've been in Atlanta nearly 3 months and not much has happened. No, seriously. It's all going very c a l m l y and s l o w l y.
I had a break of over a month where I did nothing but cook dinner for the family and watch daytime TV (possibly the highlight of 2007).

Thanksgiving was spent with friends of the family and I met the kids... my age. Rather immature. Definitely didn't shine a light to you lot - needless to say, no friends made there.

I asked for and received a digital camera for my birthday with which to take pictures to send you and update you on life. I took exactly 19 pictures from then until yesterday (whoops) when I uploaded them on to my computer and nothing is terribly exciting, however I will do my best to add some that might give you an idea of my new surroundings!

So about a week after my birthday and Thanksgiving, I started work. Now, retail isn't my dream job by a far cry, however I might have hit a bit of an early life crisis with that - I now think I'll continue doing it for a while if they offer me a permanent position (I'm currently seasonal) and try to earn some money while getting my license on the side. Oh yeah, I haven't done that yet. But I'm sure I told you already. Right? I take the MARTA to work and drive back with Maman, so... well. It's my New Year's resolution to do it at some point ;-)

So yes, work... lots of people but it's RETAIL. You don't really sit and talk to people and get to know them so I haven't really made any good friends out of it. There are a couple artists who I'm going to sit down with and get the names of good galleries etc as I miss ART! Who woulda thunk it? But again, haven't had time to sit down with them yet as we work different schedules.

My life is rather mundane at the moment but I'm enjoying it, surprisingly. I've decided my new goal is to update my wardrobe completely. I christened that idea by buying a cute pair of patent leather Guess shoes and a purple leather clutch - more elegance than rock and roll, and it looks black but I love it. I didn't intend to buy it but an accident while Christmas shopping meant I ended up with it. I got it for $80 - original price $175! Am very proud of myself regardless :-D

Anything else new in my life? No. I can't even think of anything. How boring!! I don't go to bars (except for the Corner Pub. Only it's the in-spot for the old Hippies who have culminated in D so it's safer to go with Mamma and BF) but drink loads at home. Yaay! Or whatever. I miss you guys :)

So Bamster, it's the Crap Daddies club. You did make me feel better by reminding me about your own Papa - better because I remembered we're in it together lol

Finally, before adding pics, I want to remind you all that I need concrete dates for a March visit so that I can book a week out from work.... if I don't tell them I have plans if/when I can extend my contract then I won't be able to get the time off! :)
Hope to see you in NY/Atlanta dearests. Even you Frenchie, Miss Operation Heart(break) queen.

Now listen to this: ( I was in a Weepies mood...)

Grr. I'm going to upload the pictures separately. Love you. xx Enjoy Mexico Bam!!! Frenchie and Divorcee, get some sun for me too on the Canaries...

Love always,

Alabama Mama in Atlanta (ironically)

The house. That birdbath is evil and is no longer there.
And the plants are dead because of the drought lol


The kitchen (from the "dining room") Those are the flowers you sent me!

This is my cutie patootie clutch.

My shoes. Frenchie, I thought of you as I bought them.

My bed's 'headboard'. The triple pic frame actually has 3 pics of Divorcee....
I didn't notice until after I'd hung them!

My living room. The rest of the house is difficult to photograph.

I took this outside the cafe I was sitting in where I wrote the post.
But when it was warmer. Caribou Coffee!

This is the view from Caribou, but also from my place of work.
Lots of tall buildings... I feel right at home.