Well, I've gone and done it - totally renegged on being the new positive Mama.
I was in a really good place with my summer coming up. To cope with the family run-ins I had set myself up to do the decorationg for my Dad's wedding (which I don't want to attend, if you are not aware of this) and it was all going to be peachy keen and I was going to really enjoy it. I spent two days researching affordable decorations, got excited and finally sent over an email with decoration ideas weeks ago and I was told I would get an email response. Nothing, nothing. Finally sent a text a few days ago asking what was up, that time's a passin' and I need to boogie if I'm going to get good deals on stuff etc.
Today I get an email from my dad saying his fiance's daughters K+P were also saying they they were getting worried about a lack of planning and so he wants the three of us to powwow, that they'll set a budget and leave the rest up to us. Only the man doesn't seem to realise that those two girls are all part of the main reason I'm against this wedding. I know I probably sound like a bitch but you guys know me: as much as I will happily talk the tail off a Southern pony (I just made that up to sound like the Southern hick I'm becoming, FYI) I'm also a very personal/occasionally shy person. I don't want another branch of family and I don't want to act like family with people I don't know at all. So, I don't want step-sisters and step uncles and step aunts and a stepmother. If I don't know them I don't want to be affiliated with them. I'm not exactly sure how I was going to survive the wedding portion of this other than that I have told my brother that if he leaves me alone during the ceremony I'm going to kill him and also the Nazi (have we thought of a new nickname for her???? It seems wrong now!) is my date to the big party (don't think dad knows that but I don't care). And finally I've also become self-conscious about my Estonian, which is EXTREMELY rusty from lack of use.
So what did I do? I emailed back and said I'm going to be really busy in the next few weeks and won't have time to chat a lot. I said let K and P do the organising and let me know if I can bring something. Part of me hopes he'll realise what's going on and let me do my thing without talking to them. Part of me feels guilty for backing out of his big day. Part of me is horrified that it will now be a terribly gauche affair and that I'll spend the whole day thinking how I could have done it better. Part of me is sad. Part of me really wants to cry. Part of me is just really angry that I consented to go to this thing. And part of me is really pissed off.
Mostly I just wish it was over already.
Girlies, come sooner. I need a jug of wine and a hug.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Well... ya'll may or may not know that living in the Deep South has renewed my love of country music so you may or may not appreciate the following post. Because I'm particularly excited about this summer - going for broke and seeing you all ;-) - and the prospect of Div visiting - I've really been feeling this Taylor Swift song. Just reminding me of good friends and good times and... well, yeah. Went to my friend M's on Tuesday with my A for girl talk and a movie. We supposed to go to the cinema but M just had a baby and had just had a sleep consultant in to finally help with the baby's sleeping patterns (this kid is high maintenance, I tell you) and anyway, they had to stay home, so we went over there to rescue her from herself. And throughout the girlie talk we discussed A's first sight of a turtleneck at the Kentucky Derby (we're talking a non-Jewish man here) and pink drinks and work and.. you know. The Girl Stuff. And despite my life coming up to a year and a half of low activity (god forbid, if I don't find a job this year I'm going to set myself up like a homeless person with a cardboard sign listing my credentials and sit on a corner for days on end...)
But anyway, I wanted to share what I'm listening to because it's making me feel good. Just thinking about friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_VI2cIgqwc
But anyway, I wanted to share what I'm listening to because it's making me feel good. Just thinking about friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_VI2cIgqwc
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
BBC News headline: Alabama Mama coming back to Europe
Well, for a little while.
I would like to publicly announce the proposed dates for my re-emergence in Europe. I will be touring London from the early morning of Saturday the 25th of July until Wednesday the 29th mid-morning. I will then fly to Tallinn on the Wednesday and remain there until Thursday the 6th, upon which I will return to London for the night and fly back to my adopted hometown on the Friday.
Realistically I would like to not have to stay in a cardboard box near any of the bridges or with my relatives in Hampshire (gasp shock HORROR - it's like Freddy Krueger let loose in my intestines staying with my Aunt) so I would love to know if anyone would be willing to put me up?
My only definite plans for a stay in London involve seeing my Grandmother during the day on Monday and Tuesday so I was hoping, nay, praying that Frenchie could also grace London with her presence and we could make it a reunion?
I now expect you to have fallen off your chairs/beds/floors with excitement and therefore can continue under the radar as I have no other news to report. All is the same and rather boring my side of the pond. No men, no job. Oh, a new baby in the group of friends... but that's not really very interesting to anyone who doesn't know the baby's mum.
I'm preparing my wardrobe and testing my shoes... oh, and helping organise the wedding (150 people in my poor Tallinn house).
I hope to hear from someone with accommodation offers soon - or else remember that I might be killed in my sleep when a hateful relative creeps up on me, hoping to steal my inheritance and give it to her son.
Much love to you all,
AM
I would like to publicly announce the proposed dates for my re-emergence in Europe. I will be touring London from the early morning of Saturday the 25th of July until Wednesday the 29th mid-morning. I will then fly to Tallinn on the Wednesday and remain there until Thursday the 6th, upon which I will return to London for the night and fly back to my adopted hometown on the Friday.
Realistically I would like to not have to stay in a cardboard box near any of the bridges or with my relatives in Hampshire (gasp shock HORROR - it's like Freddy Krueger let loose in my intestines staying with my Aunt) so I would love to know if anyone would be willing to put me up?
My only definite plans for a stay in London involve seeing my Grandmother during the day on Monday and Tuesday so I was hoping, nay, praying that Frenchie could also grace London with her presence and we could make it a reunion?
I now expect you to have fallen off your chairs/beds/floors with excitement and therefore can continue under the radar as I have no other news to report. All is the same and rather boring my side of the pond. No men, no job. Oh, a new baby in the group of friends... but that's not really very interesting to anyone who doesn't know the baby's mum.
I'm preparing my wardrobe and testing my shoes... oh, and helping organise the wedding (150 people in my poor Tallinn house).
I hope to hear from someone with accommodation offers soon - or else remember that I might be killed in my sleep when a hateful relative creeps up on me, hoping to steal my inheritance and give it to her son.
Much love to you all,
AM
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A much needed update!
Hey Bunnies!
I felt compelled to drop a few lines on this page as it seems to be deserted otherwise.
As always I'll start with "a quick" update on what's going on in the Bam Bam world.
*Work*
I'm glad to say that it's progressing rather nicely. I'm supposed to be having my 3 month review early next week and hopefully this one will go great compared to my 1.5 month review which pissed me off. To those people who don't know why it pissed me off- well mostly because my boss told me I need to be nicer and happier with my coworkers and I feel that as it is I'm freaking sunshine unicorns and rainbows at work lol. Regardless I feel like in the last month or so I've completely become a part of the team and hopefully my boss will see this as well.
On the side I'm trying to get my foot in film business door. And NO! I don't want to be an actress lol. I think I've had to say that about 3 million times in the past few weeks :)
- Explanation: I've been spending time with the French producer guy and he keeps introducing me to all these "wannabe actress" girls and the first thing they keep asking me is if I'm an actress too. After the 5th time that happened I perfected my response, which now is the following- looking unamused from head to toes at the said wannabe specimen, then reply NO SWEETIE I do business, finishing off with a sharp turn in the opposite direction from her. Perfection!!!
So, the film business... I'm doing some publicity work for small movies that I'm sure I'll continue to harass you with on Facebook. Hopefully going to do a short course in production in the next few months. Me and Divorcee are planning our small production company as we speak. :)
*Family*
My mama was in London last weekend with her new husband, who I now call in short MMNH (MY MOM'S NEW HUSBAND). They stayed at a hotel and managed to spend surprisingly a lot of time on their own exploring the city. Great for me, although one of the reason for the solo time was that I got a really heavy cold on Friday night and so stayed in bed most of the weekend. We did do some fun things together, like go listen to some jazz, which was fun and gave me a reason to stuff my face with pizza. Mmmmm, yum, pizza... We also did the whole Buckingham palace changing of guards thing, St James Park, Whitehall, Downing St, Big Ben and London Eye thing. I also managed to pack in a brief visit to the V&A where I ended up spending an hour and a half in the jewelery section obsessing over all the stories that the different pieces.
- Daydream: When I marry someone really really really rich someday I'll get every piece in the jewelry room duplicated with the actual precious stones for moi!
Also we did a bit of a visit to Harrods and went to see Chicago again, which was btw better than I remembered lol. Soooo much fun! I'm officially addicted to Cell Block Tango...
Over on the dada side of things I honestly don't even know how he is doing. We've exchanged a few emails and the most I've heard from him is that he is thinking of moving somewhere cheaper, so I might have to start visiting a whole new state entirely. :( Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
*Personal Life excluding MEN*
In terms of after-work activities I've had a pretty good couple of months. There have been plenty of parties and events and dates and stuff. I've started to hang out a bit more with the stoneface bitch that is my old flatmate (girl), but only because she has come out of her depression and become more normal. Oh and she was considering breaking up with the other flatmate ie The Hotel Boy, but I made her see the light or more the fact that she can't really afford to move out yet.
On other subjects... I'm planning to do something fun this year on my bday, my first plan was to go somewhere warm with girls and party for a few days, but I'm unable to pick a destination as it's going to be summer and warm almost everywhere. South of France or Spain were mentioned but I'm open to any suggestions anyone has. Also might be going to Sweden end of May for a Swedish bambinas birthday party on the coast. And then there is always my yearly visit to USA, which I have not even started planning yet.
Also as much as I usually hate Valentine's day I have to admit this year mine was pretty awesome!!! :) And no it did not include a man... well mostly it didn't. Anyway I ended up receiving 3 huge bouquets of flowers and a anonymous Valentine's card. I also had a nice lunch out, loads of vodka and a front row of a fashion show. I mean how can you not like Valentine's Day 2009! :):)
*Men*
What can I say...
To be honest I seem to have stuck with the same boys as before, I just feel like they're all on one of these conveyor belts (like Itsu has) and I keep moving in between them. I guess one of the main changes is that I got over my office boy, who I was crushing over with massive force. We didn't really communicate much over the last 2 months until last week we ended up sitting next to each other after work at another leaving party for a guy who got made redundant. We had a nice chat about what a difficult beginning of the year he has had (some of his family dying, a friend committing suicide and ex girlfriend going wacko) and how crap my health has been (ie me falling down 20 steps head first and ending up in the emergency room lol and my fight with extreme tonsillitis which ruined my whole Christmas vacation) and then of course we got really pissed and... well when I woke up in the morning he was home with me in my bed lol and I have no real recollection of how he got there. I did ask him why he was there and I think he got a bit offended. Oh well not that I really care how he feels. Long story short- we get along fine and get along as friends at work.
Moving on to the guy that I actually do care about... This would be the same French boy I was calling potential boyfriend material pre Christmas. Well I was so busy and to be honest so head-over-heels with the office boy in December that I just didn't bother to meet up with him and then to add to the matter I just forgot to go for dinner with him in the beginning of January (first person I've actually blatantly stood up ever)after he had cooked a really nice meal for me. Anyway at this point he got pissed off with me a bit and asked me straight forward if I had a boyfriend or if I was not interested. So I decided to be honest (I know Divorcee you're sooo proud of me :)) and I told him that a part of a reason i didn't want to see him was because it just felt a bit like a fuckbuddy thing every time he asked me. He then in turn told me that that's not true and he actually wants to spend time with me long-term. So yes after that i went out for dinner with him (couldn't find a reason why I hadn't in between!) and we've been kind of going out ever since. The only issue being that him being a banker and working long hours + that he's been back to France for like 4 weekends means I don't really see him that much. To be honest I didn't even really think that we weren't seeing other people until when I somehow by mistake mentioned yesterday that I went for dinner with someone else and he got a bit funny about it. Otherwise he's a real sweetie, all I miss yous and you're so beautifuls. I must like him if I've slept over at his a few times even though it takes me 20mins longer to get to work from his, lol!
Anyway I've decided to go with the flow and not complicated things by trying to label them. As I say I might love to wear labels but girlfriend might be one label that currently doesn't look good on me! ;)
Then last but not least there is this thing with my trusty neighbor buddy N, who I've had some trouble with recently. Namely he sent me this Valentines day card that he signed with Love?. Who does that? Love would have been fine instead I get question mark, so what does this mean, he loves me, he loves me as a friend??? Divorcee and everyone else who have met him keep telling me he is in love with me and I think I've been pretty clear about the fact that I love him as friend ONLY (especially after he saw me making out with someone else in front of his house when we were still living together lol). Grrrrr it's always like this isn't it. The ones you don't like, like you and the other way around!
I guess I've reached the end of my post, so I'll stop boring you with my life. I do expect a lot of feedback and more entries.I miss you all guys!
Divorcee I hope your trip to NZ is going to be smashing!
Love ya all,
Your Bam Bam
I felt compelled to drop a few lines on this page as it seems to be deserted otherwise.
As always I'll start with "a quick" update on what's going on in the Bam Bam world.
*Work*
I'm glad to say that it's progressing rather nicely. I'm supposed to be having my 3 month review early next week and hopefully this one will go great compared to my 1.5 month review which pissed me off. To those people who don't know why it pissed me off- well mostly because my boss told me I need to be nicer and happier with my coworkers and I feel that as it is I'm freaking sunshine unicorns and rainbows at work lol. Regardless I feel like in the last month or so I've completely become a part of the team and hopefully my boss will see this as well.
On the side I'm trying to get my foot in film business door. And NO! I don't want to be an actress lol. I think I've had to say that about 3 million times in the past few weeks :)
- Explanation: I've been spending time with the French producer guy and he keeps introducing me to all these "wannabe actress" girls and the first thing they keep asking me is if I'm an actress too. After the 5th time that happened I perfected my response, which now is the following- looking unamused from head to toes at the said wannabe specimen, then reply NO SWEETIE I do business, finishing off with a sharp turn in the opposite direction from her. Perfection!!!
So, the film business... I'm doing some publicity work for small movies that I'm sure I'll continue to harass you with on Facebook. Hopefully going to do a short course in production in the next few months. Me and Divorcee are planning our small production company as we speak. :)
*Family*
My mama was in London last weekend with her new husband, who I now call in short MMNH (MY MOM'S NEW HUSBAND). They stayed at a hotel and managed to spend surprisingly a lot of time on their own exploring the city. Great for me, although one of the reason for the solo time was that I got a really heavy cold on Friday night and so stayed in bed most of the weekend. We did do some fun things together, like go listen to some jazz, which was fun and gave me a reason to stuff my face with pizza. Mmmmm, yum, pizza... We also did the whole Buckingham palace changing of guards thing, St James Park, Whitehall, Downing St, Big Ben and London Eye thing. I also managed to pack in a brief visit to the V&A where I ended up spending an hour and a half in the jewelery section obsessing over all the stories that the different pieces.
- Daydream: When I marry someone really really really rich someday I'll get every piece in the jewelry room duplicated with the actual precious stones for moi!
Also we did a bit of a visit to Harrods and went to see Chicago again, which was btw better than I remembered lol. Soooo much fun! I'm officially addicted to Cell Block Tango...
Over on the dada side of things I honestly don't even know how he is doing. We've exchanged a few emails and the most I've heard from him is that he is thinking of moving somewhere cheaper, so I might have to start visiting a whole new state entirely. :( Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
*Personal Life excluding MEN*
In terms of after-work activities I've had a pretty good couple of months. There have been plenty of parties and events and dates and stuff. I've started to hang out a bit more with the stoneface bitch that is my old flatmate (girl), but only because she has come out of her depression and become more normal. Oh and she was considering breaking up with the other flatmate ie The Hotel Boy, but I made her see the light or more the fact that she can't really afford to move out yet.
On other subjects... I'm planning to do something fun this year on my bday, my first plan was to go somewhere warm with girls and party for a few days, but I'm unable to pick a destination as it's going to be summer and warm almost everywhere. South of France or Spain were mentioned but I'm open to any suggestions anyone has. Also might be going to Sweden end of May for a Swedish bambinas birthday party on the coast. And then there is always my yearly visit to USA, which I have not even started planning yet.
Also as much as I usually hate Valentine's day I have to admit this year mine was pretty awesome!!! :) And no it did not include a man... well mostly it didn't. Anyway I ended up receiving 3 huge bouquets of flowers and a anonymous Valentine's card. I also had a nice lunch out, loads of vodka and a front row of a fashion show. I mean how can you not like Valentine's Day 2009! :):)
*Men*
What can I say...
To be honest I seem to have stuck with the same boys as before, I just feel like they're all on one of these conveyor belts (like Itsu has) and I keep moving in between them. I guess one of the main changes is that I got over my office boy, who I was crushing over with massive force. We didn't really communicate much over the last 2 months until last week we ended up sitting next to each other after work at another leaving party for a guy who got made redundant. We had a nice chat about what a difficult beginning of the year he has had (some of his family dying, a friend committing suicide and ex girlfriend going wacko) and how crap my health has been (ie me falling down 20 steps head first and ending up in the emergency room lol and my fight with extreme tonsillitis which ruined my whole Christmas vacation) and then of course we got really pissed and... well when I woke up in the morning he was home with me in my bed lol and I have no real recollection of how he got there. I did ask him why he was there and I think he got a bit offended. Oh well not that I really care how he feels. Long story short- we get along fine and get along as friends at work.
Moving on to the guy that I actually do care about... This would be the same French boy I was calling potential boyfriend material pre Christmas. Well I was so busy and to be honest so head-over-heels with the office boy in December that I just didn't bother to meet up with him and then to add to the matter I just forgot to go for dinner with him in the beginning of January (first person I've actually blatantly stood up ever)after he had cooked a really nice meal for me. Anyway at this point he got pissed off with me a bit and asked me straight forward if I had a boyfriend or if I was not interested. So I decided to be honest (I know Divorcee you're sooo proud of me :)) and I told him that a part of a reason i didn't want to see him was because it just felt a bit like a fuckbuddy thing every time he asked me. He then in turn told me that that's not true and he actually wants to spend time with me long-term. So yes after that i went out for dinner with him (couldn't find a reason why I hadn't in between!) and we've been kind of going out ever since. The only issue being that him being a banker and working long hours + that he's been back to France for like 4 weekends means I don't really see him that much. To be honest I didn't even really think that we weren't seeing other people until when I somehow by mistake mentioned yesterday that I went for dinner with someone else and he got a bit funny about it. Otherwise he's a real sweetie, all I miss yous and you're so beautifuls. I must like him if I've slept over at his a few times even though it takes me 20mins longer to get to work from his, lol!
Anyway I've decided to go with the flow and not complicated things by trying to label them. As I say I might love to wear labels but girlfriend might be one label that currently doesn't look good on me! ;)
Then last but not least there is this thing with my trusty neighbor buddy N, who I've had some trouble with recently. Namely he sent me this Valentines day card that he signed with Love?. Who does that? Love would have been fine instead I get question mark, so what does this mean, he loves me, he loves me as a friend??? Divorcee and everyone else who have met him keep telling me he is in love with me and I think I've been pretty clear about the fact that I love him as friend ONLY (especially after he saw me making out with someone else in front of his house when we were still living together lol). Grrrrr it's always like this isn't it. The ones you don't like, like you and the other way around!
I guess I've reached the end of my post, so I'll stop boring you with my life. I do expect a lot of feedback and more entries.I miss you all guys!
Divorcee I hope your trip to NZ is going to be smashing!
Love ya all,
Your Bam Bam
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