Well, I've gone and done it - totally renegged on being the new positive Mama.
I was in a really good place with my summer coming up. To cope with the family run-ins I had set myself up to do the decorationg for my Dad's wedding (which I don't want to attend, if you are not aware of this) and it was all going to be peachy keen and I was going to really enjoy it. I spent two days researching affordable decorations, got excited and finally sent over an email with decoration ideas weeks ago and I was told I would get an email response. Nothing, nothing. Finally sent a text a few days ago asking what was up, that time's a passin' and I need to boogie if I'm going to get good deals on stuff etc.
Today I get an email from my dad saying his fiance's daughters K+P were also saying they they were getting worried about a lack of planning and so he wants the three of us to powwow, that they'll set a budget and leave the rest up to us. Only the man doesn't seem to realise that those two girls are all part of the main reason I'm against this wedding. I know I probably sound like a bitch but you guys know me: as much as I will happily talk the tail off a Southern pony (I just made that up to sound like the Southern hick I'm becoming, FYI) I'm also a very personal/occasionally shy person. I don't want another branch of family and I don't want to act like family with people I don't know at all. So, I don't want step-sisters and step uncles and step aunts and a stepmother. If I don't know them I don't want to be affiliated with them. I'm not exactly sure how I was going to survive the wedding portion of this other than that I have told my brother that if he leaves me alone during the ceremony I'm going to kill him and also the Nazi (have we thought of a new nickname for her???? It seems wrong now!) is my date to the big party (don't think dad knows that but I don't care). And finally I've also become self-conscious about my Estonian, which is EXTREMELY rusty from lack of use.
So what did I do? I emailed back and said I'm going to be really busy in the next few weeks and won't have time to chat a lot. I said let K and P do the organising and let me know if I can bring something. Part of me hopes he'll realise what's going on and let me do my thing without talking to them. Part of me feels guilty for backing out of his big day. Part of me is horrified that it will now be a terribly gauche affair and that I'll spend the whole day thinking how I could have done it better. Part of me is sad. Part of me really wants to cry. Part of me is just really angry that I consented to go to this thing. And part of me is really pissed off.
Mostly I just wish it was over already.
Girlies, come sooner. I need a jug of wine and a hug.
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